Ok so I thought i'd start a blog to perhaps write my feelings down, have a moan, some where to express how I feel.
If someone would of asked me 15 years ago where i'd be in 5 years time it would not be the place i'm at right now...
In bed, laptop on my lap, tv on whilst everyone my age is off making a life, living, having families, going to university, at college, got jobs etc... Wow that sounds tragic!
Instead i'm sitting here writing this blog expressing how I feel and how my life hasn't turned out the way I want it to have...
M.E so people (majority) don't know what it is... a lot of people probably couldn't care less what it is, doesn't effect them so why should you care? I don't blame you to a certain extent but I would like to say I have M.E an people go 'ahhh yeah I know what that is' not for sympathy or any of that crap but because explaining a medical condition that no one knows about can get a tad frustrating. It's no ones fault it is just the way the world is I guess...
I wont bore you with details an facts about the illness, even I get bored of it...
Guess being bed/house bound at the age of 20 is something I find frustrating not being able to enjoy life, make a living, make people proud, make a career for myself.
When I first went into hospital an I thought it was just a bad water infection an that i'd be better within the next week or so I thought to myself 'yeah I want a career in nursing, helping people' then I got more ill an I felt more determined to do it an make a change in peoples lives. I guess some people would say your only 20 what's the rush, which is true then you've got people i.e medical professions who think you can live a normal life with M.E, yeah some people can an to those people who do you inspire me, then there's the sufferers who can't because there either house/bed bound or even both...
Some people can manage college or work few times a week and to I take my hat off to you people for that!
My body just doesn't seem to want to do those things... simply because of pain, tiredness, headaches, energy levels etc but I do have ambition... I have realised that the things I want are going to have to be smaller.
So i'm going to name 3 things I want to happen in the next 5 years:
- marry the love of my life Paul Phillips :-)
- make a success of my hand made cards
- hope that things get better/easier for my family
I might not be able to have the life I wanted, but i'm going to make those 3 things happen! :-)
So i'm hoping that if your reading this that you would want me to write again but if not it feels good to be writing how I feel...
Thank you for reading! :-)
I'm sure Katie, you will achieve everything and anything you want because you will never give up and you have such a lovely family behind you who are already so proud of you for being such a lovely young lady :) x
ReplyDeleteThat's so honest and insightful katie.
ReplyDeleteBrave too being so open.
any goal no matter how trivial or small is still a goal.
Same as just cos ones problems don't seem as big as anothers doesn't mean they aren't problems, nor does it mean they aren't big xx