So here it is the first blog of 2014...
7 years and life goes on...
So this month marks the 7th year of me being ill with M.E and fibromyalgia.
7 years ago i was 14 years old, living a normal life for a 14 year old, school, family, friends and being a teenager... Now 21 did i think i'd be where i am today? No i didn't.
I thought i'd be having a career in something. There was several things i wanted to do at that age being a holiday rep, nurse and hairdresser i was torn, but i was only 14 so i had plenty of time to decide...
Scary how things can change in the blink of an eye...
So an average morning in the Whititngham household that day was, although i didn't feel too well, so i told mom.
She knew i wasn't too well, so i stayed off school that day. Gathered it was the flu or something...
Although the next day i didn't feel any better so i went to the doctors. Turned out i had a water infection, very painful things!
Anyway i was sent off with anti biotics and told to get some rest so i did...
Went back to school few days later. Few weeks later i didn't feel too well again, i hated it! Up until then i was a healthy child apart from the odd coughs and colds. This time i had a virul infection, so was few days rest for me again with tablets. Although in that time i wasn't well still after a few days... what the hell was up with my body?
Turned out i had ANOTHER water infection!
This was very rare as your only supposed to have so many during a time, but 2 in a matter of a few weeks wasn't right!
Mom as any mother would be was concerned, knowing something wasn't right!
So i rested up and tried to get better because i needed to go back to school, because we all know how strict school's can be if you have time off!
I went back to school... still not feeling right though, my body just felt so exhausted... this wasn't right i mean i was 14 years old, i should be running around with tons of energy!
I remember being in DT (design technology) we was doing something with wood work so we was stood up for majority of the lesson and i remember that i kept having really bad sharp back pains... i knew something wasn't right with me... so i carried on thinking it would pass... I remember 3:30 came the bell rang for us to go home, i just wanted to crawl into bed and sleep...
Instead me and Luke had a walk to our nan's to meet Amy there then catch the bus home. I remember the weather not being pleasant either, it was raining... no surprise for England really ;-)
I still wasn't feeling well that week... but i carried on not wanting to be a burden on mom and dad. I still wasn't right and this time i had really bad pain in my stomach... Mom noticed i wasn't myself and took me to the doctors again... Waited to see the doctor. The pain was so bad i wanted to just curl up and cry, because at that age you don't really experience pain and it is such a shock to you. The doctor saw me and saw i was in so much pain, i remember sitting there with mom and the doctor went out the room for several minutes, she then came back with a nurse as she wanted a second opinion... I was confused what was going on. She wanted me to go the the hospital and get checked out as something wasn't right... they thought it was my appendix, they thought perhaps it had ruptured...
I've never paniced so much... i HATED and was terrified of hospitals... I'll never forget the worried look on my mom's face that day...
Later that day i was admitted to hospital, they examined me. They didn't think it was my appendix but they kept me in. I remember they gave me a sheet with food choices on for dinner...
Mom said i had to have something but i didn't want anything because at that point i had a phoebia of hospitals and hospital food... I remember i didn't pick anything but the nurse came back with a cheese sandwich cut into triangles with cheese and onion crisps...
This wasn't the last for several months later i was in and out of hospital in pain and being so unwell but we still got the same answer off the doctors there...
'Are you being bullied?' 'Are you happy?' 'Do you have friends?'
Mom and dad knew something was up and they never gave up the fight to find out what was wrong with me and to that i will never be able to repay them. Some people with M.E don't get people to believe them, i'm lucky though, i have a mom,dad,brother and sister who believed me... If i'm honest i don't think anyone else really believed me, maybe thought i just couldn't be bothered maybe?
I remember once i had an appointment with a consultant about the pains i was having in my back/stomach etc. So me, mom and dad went to this appointment i remember we all sat down, we all wasn't sure really what to expect from this appointment maybe just pain meds?
So we were called through, sat down on the chair and the doctor started talking away...
He mentioned this illness what he thought it could be M.E... me, mom and dad looked at each other looking confused i mean we've never heard of that before... Then he went on to say but to be sure i'm going to need to admit you into hospital to do tests,checks etc and i could be in hospital for some time... i burst into tears i couldn't manage another stay in hospital, i just wanted to be at home with mom, dad, Luke and Amy. It felt like hospitals were taking over my life!
Luckily they got the tests all done just over a week later and every test turned out ok. The doctor didn't believe me, she thought i was after attention. That day when she basically said there was nothing wrong with me, i had tears running down my face... i shouted to her "Do you really think i want all this pain for attention, there IS something wrong with me, i wanna be normal!" I was so angry i've never felt so angry before!
For years i've fought to get the diagnosis of M.E and firbromyalgia from the doctors with help from mom and dad who never gave up on me!
I've been in that many hospital stays, hospital appointments, blood tests, drips hanging from my arm, morphine being pumped into me, not knowing who i was, lost, several water infections, viruses, angry, lonely to being in a place where i understand myself and who i am!
Writing all that scares me... because that wasn't the end... i had so much of a fight. I could write pages of stuff i've been through. I like to think it's made me a stronger person though...
I've now come to the realisation that it doesn't matter i'm not doing what i wanted. In some sense i'd rather be where i am today then be where i was then... but i suppose that comes with alot of growing up!
For now i'm happy and yes in love with someone who makes me feel like i can conqure the world doing different things but taking health into consideration. He takes care of me, looks out for me, pushes me in a wheelchair, loves me for who i am, listens to me when i'm down and fed up, lets me cry in his arms when i need too, he's generally the most amazing person i've ever met. I've never been in love before and to anyone that hasn't found it yet... your time is coming, there's someone out there for everyone!
There are 4 people though who have been there for me in the toughest 7 years of my life... Mom, Dad, Luke and Amy. When it comes to families mine's an amazing 1.
They've given me this inner strength to get through every day and fight!
One day i will repay them for all they have ever done for me. They believed me from day 1, knew i wasn't making it up and wiped away the tears from my face when i couldn't cope any longer. i will never be able to thank them enough and if there reading this, i love you very much and thank you!
I've also came to another realisation that i don't need a big career to make them proud like some parents want... i just have to be me.
Maybe i wasn't destined to have a big career, maybe i was destined for other things...
Mom has always told me in life that things happen for a reason and i believe they do...
I'm grateful for the person who i am today, i've had some tough times but there are people out there who are always struggling more than yourself...
I think people give up far too easy these days... Lifes tough but you have to fight your way through it, find an inner strength...
To the people who have M.E, fibromyalgia, both or even other illnesses never give up your fight... sometimes we might have nothing left in us but you have to find that piece of strength... Life's too short to take it for granted... Time goes in the blink of an eye!
On a bad day, remember the good things you have, the memories you have and believe you'll have more good times... Because that's what gets me through each day!
7 years on... i wonder what i'll be writing in the next 7 years?
Who know's what tomorrow will bring?
Apologies for the long blog, to be honest i could of gone on longer but i didn't wanna bore you! ;-)
Till the next blog...
Keep smiling!
Kate xo.
