Acceptance

Acceptance

 

When your born you don't have a manual guide that will help you through life, you have to make your own manual along the way as you get older...

 

In this world there are many different types of people. Different sizes, shapes, ethnicity, personality, confident, religion. Ok the fact is this world is full of different people. Each person in this world is different in their own way and that way is special, we should all accept and embrace how different we are. Coming from me this seems hypocritical really...

 

Lets be honest everyone in there head has this idea of the person they would love to be... So mine would be successful, healthy, confident, skinny, independent, popular, a role model... Ok so pretty much perfect, guess we'd all like that. When really I'm FAR from all of those...

 

For nearly all my life and I'm not going to lie yeah I still have those days where I feel the most un successful person going (if that's even a word!), I have no confidence, I'm FAR from skinny, independent (not at times), popular something I never will be, a role model hmm I very much doubt! I have so much self doubt about who I am. Sure people can say to you that your not those things but in your own head you'll never accept what they tell you.

 

I guess when I got ill a lot of them things changed... Sure some people with M.E go out there and are able to study and become successful people and to you reading this I salute you!

I've always wanted to believe I will have some career in something so that people would be proud of me. Yet I read that sentence and it makes me realise I want to do things for other people and make a point to others and why?

 

The past few weeks I've came to realisation I've tried so, so hard to be someone I'm not. This time last year I was convinced I was going to be better, get a job, go nightclubbing, get drunk, walk miles and miles, be 'normal' if there is a 'normal'...

Yet this wasn't and never will be me. Guess I sort of rebelled because I wanted to impress people who I didn't need too... the question I ask myself now is why did I?

I now realise I have NOTHING to prove to anyone... I am who I am!

So what if I like crafting and making cards, staying in on weekends watching xfactor with mom & dad, playing monopoly with Paul, Luke & Amy... I don't care anymore what people think of me.

 

It makes me wonder how many other people feel lost?

The past year I've found who I'm meant to be... I'm meant to be this girl who lives for her family, enjoy going out on silly little trips to Tesco with mom & dad, going to the cinema rather than night clubbing, having a cheeky glass of wine with dad on Saturday, Paul making me laugh while he's pushing me in a wheelchair racing behind people. So what if I'm not able to work because I'm too ill, so what if I have to go in a wheelchair, so what if I'd rather spend time with my family then seeing friends... so what!

 

I'm fed up of not accepting that I am that person... I have come to a conclusion that instead of being ashamed of that person I'm going to embrace and accept I am who I am!

 

Sure a lot of people don't believe in M.E... Those people think we should work, to those who do answer me this so we work, do a few hours, then we crash asleep on the desk... yeah that's professional...

I tried to do college once a week, only a few hours... Last week I had to wake myself up from falling asleep on the desk! Quite embarrassing really!

I did college because I wanted to prove to people I wasn't thick an I never wanted people to think I was lazy either...

Read that sentence again, it was for other people... I'm now thinking to myself why?!

All I have done is want to impress other people... when in the end I have gained nothing from it.

 

I've come to the conclusion everyone is different in this world. You might not be what some people call 'fun' so what if your not? As long as your happy with what you do that's all that matters.

From now on I'm accepting I am who I am and to anyone that doesn't like it... well you know the answer to that. No one in this world is perfect or has this 'perfect' life.

 

I'd rather be someone who looks after there family, in love, penny less, rather than be someone who has money, successful, lonely and selfish who only thinks of themselves.

 

They say everything happens for a reason, I'm 1 of those people that believes that I got ill because there is obviously a different path for me,  I was lost because I needed that person to help fix me an make me realise that I'm fine the way I am and to that person I have to thank is Paul, my mom made me realise I don't need qualifications to be a better person...

 

Life is too short to care what people think... enjoy life the way you want too not the way you think others would want you too!

 

Be Happy!

 

Kate XO.